Trying To Conceive

~Faith In God Includes Faith In His Timing~

This is so out of the norm for me. I tend to be a VERY private person, leaving a lot to the imagination, but I decided that I’m going to take a chance and share a part of my journey that many women go through but aren’t willing or able to express because it’s so personal. My husband and I have officially decided we’re ready to expand our family. And by officially I mean, I’m 100% in lol, he’s been ready for quite some time. 

While I’m excited at the thought of having a new little bundle to spoil, the process to get that tiny tot reminds me of my own shortcomings and insecurities. Some background about me…there goes my privacy out the door (So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good bye!). Pregnancy freaks me out! I haven’t had the greatest experience with being pregnant, so at times I feel physically inadequate. Our 4 year old daughter was born 3 months premature (26 wks,1 day). I had an emergency c-section which almost ended fatally for us both. Prior to her I had 2 miscarriages. So you can kinda see how the thought of pregnancy would cause some anxiety.

Then there’s the fact that I only have about 3 or 4 menstrual cycles a year. That’s just my norm and after many unsuccessful attempts to regulate it with medication I’ve decided that I’ll leave nature alone. Plus, it has its perks. 3-4 months with no period…not many husbands would complain about that, if any ;)

I’m not into the whole charting, calculating, etc. So each of my pregnancies happened naturally with no planning. I remember right before I got pregnant with our daughter I had a whole crying fit (out of my norm as well) because a friend of mine had just told me she was pregnant and let’s just say it wasn’t the ideal situation for her. I sobbed several times because I didn’t know why God would make it so difficult for me to get pregnant when I’d done nothing but spend the majority of my life nurturing other people’s children. Now that I wanted my own, it was taking a great deal of time (so I thought).

Now that our marriage is in a healed state (that’s a whoooole nother book worthy topic) we are both ready to fulfill part of God’s original mandate to man, which is to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:28) J Not only that, but another reason I’ve been very apprehensive about having more children is because I didn’t feel like we had the right community to raise them in. It really does take a village. But I’m thankful that we’ve formed friendships with people who are older and can counsel us as parents & couples who are in a similar season of life so our kids can grow up together. That really sets my mind at ease. I don’t want to be the only one on ‘Team No Sleep’.

As of now I’m not on birth control. I had my first and last depo shot (don’t recommend it) in February of this year. It’s a 3 month deal so it would’ve been ineffective as of the beginning of June. According to medical reports it can take up to 18 months for it to completely leave your system and withdrawal symptoms are similar to that of pregnancy (crap!). My last period ended sometime in September…it’s currently MIA but that’s not unusual. I’m taking prenatal vitamins, monitoring my diet, as well as staying off of websites like “baby center” and “the bump”. Nothing against the sites, I just don’t want to drive myself insane looking up every physiological twitch and cramp. It just adds to the disappointment when your “symptoms” are not what you hoped for.

*Side Note* One thing that is quite annoying about my lengthy cycles is the fact that I can’t just go on those websites to figure out when I would ovulate or peak fertile times because “normal” women have 28-35 day cycles. Mine is almost 3x that so there are no charts for that much irregularity.

I recently went to my OB/GYN to make sure everything is on the up and up. Waiting for the lab results for my hormone levels to come back. Other than that, it’s a faith walk. And as my former pastor said, “Faith without works is dead, so get busy.” Thankfully my husband and I like each other enough to “get busy”, so that shouldn’t be a problem lol. I will do my best to keep the updates coming, being as honest and transparent as possible without giving the super intimate details. Here’s to prayer & practice making perfect!

Thanks for reading and sharing in my journey J

~ E.volving