One Step Closer

~Why worry over the problem, when you can worship the ANSWER~

Sheryl Brady

I guess I’ll just dive right in. No sense in sugar coating or giving a long introduction. Yesterday I had a date with my new Ob/Gyn. I broke up with my last Dr because she was very impersonal and showed little to no concern for the things that I would bring up during visits. Since the hubby and I decided we are planning to expand our family in the near future, I decided I needed to move on and get a fresh start. Turned out to be a great decision!

I had a gazillion questions and issues I needed addressed so I could go into my next pregnancy confident that my Dr would do everything possible to ensure me and the little one to come, would not endure the same misery I experienced with my last pregnancy. Before I could even get to my list, Dr. Suri got down to business. She wasn’t very happy about my lack of menstruation, and by the way Aunt Flo has been MIA for going on 6 months, so as fun as that is for my husband….it is cause for alarm, especially if we’re trying to get pregnant this year.

She answered pretty much every question I had before I even asked. It was a lengthy interview, very much like a date. In my mind I’m like lady, where have you been all my life?! We were a match made in Heaven. I felt super comfortable with her, minus the touchy feely part, but hey it goes with the territory.

Her conclusion was that I have 2 out of 3 symptoms that make me a candidate for PCOS, short for polycystic ovary syndrome. Which basically means I have a hormonal imbalance that causes my cycles to be irregular, among other things. As the name implies, I may have cysts on my ovaries but an ultrasound is needed to determine that. Ovulation, one of the key factors in getting pregnant is scarce and when it does happen I can’t track it because I never know when my period is coming. Sounds stressful right? It is, but I have determined that I am not going to worry about all the biologics and abnormalities going on within me. I mean I did get pregnant before, so in the words of Tye Tribbett, “If He did it before, He can do it again!”

When she first started all this PCOS talk, I was PCO-Stressed! But only for a moment. I left the office feeling weighed down. It didn’t help that Persia was tired, whiny and bugging me about gummy bears. This new “diagnosis” requires more tests, an ultrasound, some pills to get my period started, and possibly a medication to induce ovulation. I was like Lord! Why is everything so difficult for me? Why can’t I just be "normal" in one area of my life? I feel like I have to jump through hoops to get everything I want. Nothing is ever just easy for me.

Then I realized I was making a flesh move. Complaining was not the way to respond. Anger and bitterness was not the way to respond. Being impatient with my daughter was not the way to respond. Blaming God for what seemed like a “bad hand” was not the way to handle this. When you get in situations like this, you have to check yourself. God works everything out for the good of those who love and trust Him. I had to change my perspective. And to do that required me to choose worship over my worry.

All of the what if’s, how come’s, etc, they didn’t matter. When you focus on the problem and not the problem solver it puts you in a place of hopelessness. How can I say my hope is in the Lord and be distraught over my problems?

My biggest issue in that moment, actually it was several moments, was that I had an idea in my head of how I wanted things to go. They certainly aren’t going that way, they actually haven’t been for some time so I should be used to it. But shifting my focus from everything that I perceived was going wrong, made me lose sight of the fact that everything was actually going right.

My new doctor is awesome, insightful and has solutions to the things that I have been dealing with since my teens. It may require a few extra steps I didn’t account for, but God doesn’t operate with a limited human mind. He operates from an eternal perspective, so what feels like an eternity to me is really nothing to Him. Did I want to be one of those pill poppin women, who couldn’t get pregnant without medical intervention….Absolutely NOT! But guess what, my husband wants twins and there’s a 5-10% chance that we’ll have twins if I take the medication.

There’s so much more to the story than the immediate disappointment we feel when our plans, ideas and mini movies we make in our heads don’t play out the way we imagined. Proverbs 19:21 says, "We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails."

A lot of times we feel like it’s God punishing us or withholding something from us, but He's actually perfecting us using the carefully constructed, individualized plan He created for each of His children. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope."

Before I became pregnant with Persia I used to read Psalm 37:4 daily. It says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart." The purpose of that is so that you will worship the Gift Giver over the gifts He gives, and as you find joy in Him, your will & desires begin to align with His.

While I may hate the wait, it is teaching me patience & shaping my character. I am learning to respond to problems with faith instead of fear, worship instead of worry. The end result may not be all of my prayers answered the way I desire, but my desire is to continually be in God's will even when I don't understand His ways. 


Peace & Blessings,
~E.Volving