Death To Dysfunction

    

                     One yes to God, is 1000 no's to Hell

                                                 ~Dr.Matthew L. Stevenson III

At the beginning of this year, I committed myself to wholeheartedly pursuing God's purpose for my life. I had done some dabbling, but when times got tough I'd quit. Whenever you make any type of vow, promise or commitment that involves making positive changes in your life, be prepared to be tested (prepared not paranoid).

So the year started out great! I was motivated. Had my little vision board party. Was working on personal, physical & spiritual development. Doing all of the right things...and then my marriage suffered a massive attack. 

It didn't catch me off guard because I'm well aware of the enemy's tactics & God had been preparing me for that very moment over the last several months. It rocked the boat a bit but didn't capsize it.

But in that particular storm I realized how dysfunctional our marriage had been. On the outside looking in we looked fairly normal, on social media we looked great, but in REALITY we were a ticking time bomb.

How so, you ask? Well here's some backstory. We both came from broken homes. We're both the eldest of fairly large families (5 & 6 children), so we naturally took on more responsibility once things went awry in our homes.

When we were married in 2009, we didn't have a strong foundation or grasp on how a healthy marriage was supposed to work. We were basically roommates with paperwork that said we could claim each other on our taxes & have sex without making God mad. We had no "married couple" friends to hang out with or to hold us accountable. We were just out here wingin it.

No one was pouring into us, teaching us how to be the best spouse for the other. I mean, marriage is like a plant. If you want it to grow it has to be watered & as far as I know, there is no such thing as a self watering plant. So we lacked nourishment when our marriage was in its seedling state.

We repeatedly tried to start businesses, but would always plateau. That should've clued us in on how dysfunctional we were. We never got the whole working as a team thing down, and it's still a work in progress. 

Anyways, during my whole purpose driven new year I decided I was going to focus on becoming a better wife as opposed to trying to make him a better husband. Goal! That means different things to different people depending on your household dynamics, but my main concern was making sure my husband felt respected when he was home(no more sarcasm).

Then the tsunami came and tried to take us out. I contemplated leaving, but I knew if I truly wanted to end this cycle of dysfunction and broken families that we were so accustomed to, I had to endure. Doing things God's way is generally not easy and there will be many challenges, but the rewards are greater than the struggle.

For better or for worse means just that, for better or for worse. If I had left when we got to the worst, what would that say about my character? What would that say about my faith? Being married is a ministry. It's not just about the covenant you make on your wedding day. It's also about the value you add to generations and those around you, by modeling the ultimate example of Christ's love. Extending grace, love and forgiveness in all circumstances. Daily dying to self for the one you vowed to love til death do you part.  

So I'm thankful that we experienced a temporary setback. It brought us to a place where God could break us down individually, work on our hearts and bring us back together with a solid foundation. 

Now that we see the error of our ways we can avoid those same pitfalls in the future, seek help when needed and be an example of a healthy Christ-centered marriage.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

Romans 8:28 (NLT)

Peace & Blessings,

E.Volving